God has been pulling down my pride. Tearing it apart. And he has been doing this through various means. Like you know the whole idea that our lives are not our own? That they are Gods and that we should use them for His glory? When I read The Problem of Pain a few weeks ago by C.S Lewis he touched on this area.

And what he said was good, beautiful actually, but they were words that I didn’t want to hear yet, too hard, too far out of what was comfortable for me, too loud. Anyway, God has been touching on that again lately. Actually, especially today, like right now, fingers hitting keys. It’s all good and well to give your life to God, as its ‘not your own’, but how does that look on a practical level? So often we give ourselves theology and principles to believe, but when do these things ever end up translating into physical action? Ask a Christian what they believe and they will give you a list and list and list. But ask how they live? Mmm.
Give me a prayer meeting and ill give you the car ride home after the prayer meeting, anger for your mother and ill thoughts for the driver that cut you off. Give me a conference and ill give you two months after the conference, forgotten words and habits still reoccurring.

Anyway digressing back to what it means to give your life to God as it is ‘not you own’, I guess for me it’s about security. I place my security too often in my hope for the future, in my person, in my ability to be a (possibly) good person or whatever. So it’s like I hold onto me, for me, for hope and security. And God has been saying you need to let it go.

Really, you are nothing. By yourself. All that I am amounts to a devilish and frightening zero if I leave God out of the mix. You see, it’s a tough balance. Everything that we are is beautiful when God is present. He enhances every part of us, makes it like gold, beautiful. But then if you exclude God, and use you, for you, then it’s like running after paper money that no one uses anymore. It’s worth-less.

Worth-less: Such a dredging, petty, awfully powerful word.

And there is pride there, revisiting the whole security part. It’s like saying, I don’t necessarily need you right now God, I have my ideals in ME, or I have the opportunities that the world gives me, or i have my friends who I can love and be loved back. These are all good things, but I guess God has been saying to me that they are only good when you know that they are worth-less without me.

“A proud man can never know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you’re looking down, you can’t see anything that’s above you” – C.S. Lewis